Post By: Michelle
Ok so my friend Kaitlin started this site and was all excited about it and the views it was getting. I usually check it every time she updates because most of her tips help me, and because of a quote I happen to love: “Learn from others’ mistakes – you won’t have enough time to make them all yourself.” Not to say that Kaitlin is making mistakes – all I’m saying is that she has more experience in certain areas of life (such as SAT Prep or organization) than I do (I don’t take SAT classes, I’m not preparing myself in any way, and my room is in a constant state of disaster). After reading a few of her entries, I decided to try my hand at writing one of my own, especially after I added a few extra tips onto her Snow Day article.
The most recent major experience that I’ve had, for the most part, is heartbreak. Ok, so maybe it’s not quite so recent, because I know Kaitlin is reading this saying “Michelle, that was how many MONTHS ago?” But that’s not the point. The point is that it’s something that everyone experiences in their lifetime (unless maybe you’re a nun or a priest? But even then it’s possible). Last June, I went through a tough break-up with a guy who had been my best friend and promised me that things wouldn’t change between us. Eight months later and I have no idea what’s happening in his life anymore due to the fact that we don’t talk anymore. And honestly? that hurts. So after a few months of failing to get over this upset in my life, I have finally found a basically fool-proof way to get over your heartbreak (no guarantees though).
- Remove any memorabilia from your previous relationship with the person who broke your heart – for the sake of me not getting arthritis typing all this out repeatedly, let’s call him (or her) George. If George happened to give you a stuffed animal for Valentine’s Day, or you have a picture of you and George on the bulletin board next to your bed, put them away, somewhere where you can’t see them easily. I, for example, didn’t have many “3D objects”, so I was able to take my old journals and cards and anything else that reminded me of my most recent ex-George and put it into a case, which I then proceeded to store on the top shelf of my closet. The less you see of him, the less likely you will be to think of him. And the less you think of him, the easier it will probably be.
- Give yourself some space. If you guys have decided to be friends, don’t talk to him every second of the day about every little thing that happened. If your heart still aches, and you talk to him constantly, it’s going to be a lot harder to actually get over him.
- Don’t proceed to blame anyone for the break-up. Especially don’t blame yourself. If you find someone or something to blame, then you will simply wind up hating whatever it is you blame and if that something happens to be your ex-George, things could get messy. For example, you might start ranting about how “everything is his fault” or “omg I’m such a screw up I messed this whole thing up I’m an idiot”. Ranting, in this situation, won’t help you. Yes, it will help you blow off steam and get everything that’s on your mind out of your head, but then you could find yourself talking about how you “messed it all up” or how it was your ex-George’s fault or whatever all the time, 24/7. It’s happened to me. I used to find myself talking to my friends and randomly bring up my ex-George and start talking about him. And then I’d get upset again. And then I’d have to start all over. The less I blamed him, or the less I talked about him, the less upset I’d get and the easier it was to move on.
- Give yourself time. This is the most important step. Unlike the movies or books, people don’t stitch up their broken hearts and move on in a matter of days or hours. If that happened, then they probably weren’t that in love with the person as much as they thought they were. There is no set time for how long it should take someone to get over an ex-George. Like I mentioned earlier, it took me 8 months to be sure that I was utterly and completely over him (there were a lot of false alarms along the way, too). And don’t go and try to find yourself another George right away because you think that the easiest way to move on is to find a new George. It might just make things more difficult. The best way to move on is to take your time, sort out your feelings, and take things one step at a time.
- Use your friends as support beams. When I say that, I don’t mean that you should rely on them for every little problem or bump in the road that you come across. But, like a house, without support beams, things have the possibility of falling apart. It’s also easier if you have a friend who is going through the same thing as you because then you can help each other through it. This past summer, for example, right after the break up with my most recent George, I was talking to another single friend of mine who was also suffering from heartbreak. While we were talking, we decided that both of us were going to stay single for the entire summer, so that we could “let ourselves heal”. It was originally her idea, and her reasoning behind this fabulous idea was that she wanted to be able to give all of her heart to the next guy she went out with – if she was still heartbroken and found another George, then she would only be able to give him pieces of her heart, and that might lead to complications in the relationship later on.