Thoughts on Revenge

There are definitely people in my life that I would love to get revenge on. I’m sure you have some, too. However, what will it get you?

1. You will be as low as the person you’re hurting

2. People who like that person will probably think ill of you

3. It won’t heal the wounds you have, just give them new ones.

Here’s some healthy, and more mature, alternatives to revenge:

1. Kill the person with kindness – remember, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

2. Find your own ways of closure

3. Release your anger through something like running, art, or anything else constructive.

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Getting Through the Aches of Heartbreaks

Post By: Michelle

 

 

 

Ok so my friend Kaitlin started this site and was all excited about it and the views it was getting. I usually check it every time she updates because most of her tips help me, and because of a quote I happen to love: “Learn from others’ mistakes – you won’t have enough time to make them all yourself.” Not to say that Kaitlin is making mistakes – all I’m saying is that she has more experience in certain areas of life (such as SAT Prep or organization) than I do (I don’t take SAT classes, I’m not preparing myself in any way, and my room is in a constant state of disaster). After reading a few of her entries, I decided to try my hand at writing one of my own, especially after I added a few extra tips onto her Snow Day article.

 

 

The most recent major experience that I’ve had, for the most part, is heartbreak. Ok, so maybe it’s not quite so recent, because I know Kaitlin is reading this saying “Michelle, that was how many MONTHS ago?” But that’s not the point. The point is that it’s something that everyone experiences in their lifetime (unless maybe you’re a nun or a priest? But even then it’s possible). Last June, I went through a tough break-up with a guy who had been my best friend and promised me that things wouldn’t change between us. Eight months later and I have no idea what’s happening in his life anymore due to the fact that we don’t talk anymore. And honestly? that hurts. So after a few months of failing to get over this upset in my life, I have finally found a basically fool-proof way to get over your heartbreak (no guarantees though).

 

 

Remove any memorabilia from your previous relationship with the person who broke your heart – for the sake of me not getting arthritis typing all this out repeatedly, let’s call him (or her) George. If George happened to give you a stuffed animal for Valentine’s Day, or you have a picture of you and George on the bulletin board next to your bed, put them away, somewhere where you can’t see them easily. I, for example, didn’t have many “3D objects”, so I was able to take my old journals and cards and anything else that reminded me of my most recent ex-George and put it into a case, which I then proceeded to store on the top shelf of my closet. The less you see of him, the less likely you will be to think of him. And the less you think of him, the easier it will probably be.

 

 

Give yourself some space. If you guys have decided to be friends, don’t talk to him every second of the day about every little thing that happened. If your heart still aches, and you talk to him constantly, it’s going to be a lot harder to actually get over him.

 

 

Don’t proceed to blame anyone for the break-up. Especially don’t blame yourself. If you find someone or something to blame, then you will simply wind up hating whatever it is you blame and if that something happens to be your ex-George, things could get messy. For example, you might start ranting about how “everything is his fault” or “omg I’m such a screw up I messed this whole thing up I’m an idiot”. Ranting, in this situation, won’t help you. Yes, it will help you blow off steam and get everything that’s on your mind out of your head, but then you could find yourself talking about how you “messed it all up” or how it was your ex-George’s fault or whatever all the time, 24/7. It’s happened to me. I used to find myself talking to my friends and randomly bring up my ex-George and start talking about him. And then I’d get upset again. And then I’d have to start all over. The less I blamed him, or the less I talked about him, the less upset I’d get and the easier it was to move on.

 

 

Give yourself time. This is the most important step. Unlike the movies or books, people don’t stitch up their broken hearts and move on in a matter of days or hours. If that happened, then they probably weren’t that in love with the person as much as they thought they were. There is no set time for how long it should take someone to get over an ex-George. Like I mentioned earlier, it took me 8 months to be sure that I was utterly and completely over him (there were a lot of false alarms along the way, too). And don’t go and try to find yourself another George right away because you think that the easiest way to move on is to find a new George. It might just make things more difficult. The best way to move on is to take your time, sort out your feelings, and take things one step at a time.

 

 

Use your friends as support beams. When I say that, I don’t mean that you should rely on them for every little problem or bump in the road that you come across. But, like a house, without support beams, things have the possibility of falling apart. It’s also easier if you have a friend who is going through the same thing as you because then you can help each other through it. This past summer, for example, right after the break up with my most recent George, I was talking to another single friend of mine who was also suffering from heartbreak. While we were talking, we decided that both of us were going to stay single for the entire summer, so that we could “let ourselves heal”. It was originally her idea, and her reasoning behind this fabulous idea was that she wanted to be able to give all of her heart to the next guy she went out with – if she was still heartbroken and found another George, then she would only be able to give him pieces of her heart, and that might lead to complications in the relationship later on.

Toxic Friendships: When You Should Back Away

In life, especially in high school, friends come and go. There are friendships that do last for years and years, which I’ve experienced; and there are friendships that last maybe a month, which I’ve also experienced. It’s really tough to let go of a friendship, especially one that has lasted a very long time. But sometimes, there comes a time when you need to break off a friendship because it has become toxic. It’s hard to figure out whether a friend is a toxic friend, or if it’s just a problem that can be worked out. Here are some signs of a toxic friendship, and how to back away.

1. You provide them with something. Usually friends will give each other rides, borrow clothes, or help each other in other ways. But if it becomes a friendship in which your friend only calls you when they need something from you, you should take a good look at the situation. For example, a friend of mine has been troubled lately because a friend of hers – and an ex friend of mine – only wants to hang out with her when she needs a ride. Usually she’ll want a ride to the movies to meet some boy, which makes it awkward for my friend. friends should be friends all the time, not just when they need something.

2. They insult you. If someone is insecure, they will usually put down others in order to make themselves look good. Everyone talks about others once in a while, we’re humans. But if your friend is constantly putting you down in front of others, you need to stand up for yourself. Friends don’t make friends feel bad about themselves, especially on purpose.

3. They take advantage of your weaknesses. Here is an example: one of my major flaws is that I am one of the most forgiving human beings on the planet. If someone wrongs me, I will be quick to let them back into my life. Rather than helping you to gain strength in the areas where you are weak, a toxic friend will take advantage. If you are forgiving, like me, the person will know they can treat you badly and still be forgiven. If you can never say no to people, a toxic friend will take advantage and ask a million favors of you. A friend will not walk all over you, they will help you be stronger.

If you see these three things as a pattern in a friend, take it as a red flag. Re-examine your friendship and see if you are putting more into it than you are getting out.

“Oh no! I’ve got a toxic friend! What do I do?”

Confront your friend about what is going on. Demand respect and tell them that if they don’t change then you can no longer be a part of this friendship. Don’t do this in an attacking way, do it in a calm and fair way. Be willing to listen to anything they have to say about the type of friend you’ve been.

If they don’t change you can do one of two things: 1) Confront them again until they change (this won’t work usually), or 2) Sit them down and explain to them that you valued their friendship but you cannot be disrespected.  You can continue to be casual with this person, but don’t keep as close of a friendship as you had. Surround yourself with positive people, distract yourself, and let yourself be happy.

lastly, be proud of yourself for standing up for yourself and demanding respect. that is a huge accomplishment.